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the advertising industry will let you believe that family gatherings before and after the festival are a warm and brilliant dream, full of joy and kindness. As long as! In fact, most of us have a family member (or two or three) who rubs us in the wrong way, threatening to destroy our Carnival and our happiness. Although you can avoid them for the rest of the year, you still need to sit side by side with them on your holiday table every year. Here are some effective ways to deal with difficult people. These ways can not only help you avoid conflict, but also make your vacation more enjoyable.
Credit: lumina / stocksy Credit: stock rocket / iStock / gettyimages Credit: Poike / iStock / gettyimages credit card: sevenfold / iStock / gettyimages to see people with compassionate eyes can help you better understand them and reduce reactions. For example, your uncle told an inappropriate joke. Have you ever thought about why he is like this instead of being rude? It's unlikely that he did it just to annoy you. " " most people who exhibit problematic social behavior at a get-together are driven by despair, "says family therapist Kirk Honda. They often worry that no one likes them, so they will try to control things by saying a lot, or they desperately want to laugh because they feel uncomfortable. "Remembering this can help you be more friendly to your uncle who offends you, rather than running away in embarrassment." One on one time. We all have a relative who speaks too much or too loudly, or just about himself. This is usually an attention seeking behavior that occurs in group dynamics because the individual is uncomfortable or unheard of. Even though this person is annoying to you and one-on-one makes your hair stand on end, in one-on-one situations, you may find them very different. Before you make your final judgment, it's recommended that you walk around the block or go to the store to try to get to know them a little. Their company may not be so despicable in your car or in a quiet community at night. Credit: gpointstudio / iStock / gettyimages Credit: eventyfour / iStock / gettyimages Credit: hedgehog 94 / iStock / gettyimages you have brought gifts and a dish for children to share, but what else will you bring to family festivals? Kirk Honda, a family therapist, encourages the presence of will. " What kind of life do you want? "Try to achieve it, not just respond to what's bothering you," he said. If you want to go home and have at least one meaningful conversation with your father, do it consciously. "Being willing, not just avoiding conflict, means being actively involved in the relationship you want to build. Credit: alexkich / iStock / gettyimages Credit: Adobe stock / Andrey Kuzmin Advertisements 1. Develop interaction strategies in advance. "An ounce of preparation is worth a pound of treatment." Although Ben Franklin may not be talking about how he plans to deal with his drunken uncle at Christmas dinner, it's a wise suggestion for parties where you will meet an unhappy family. Make a plan a few days, or at least a few hours, before the event starts, and how you will respond to any difficult situations. Consider all possible different situations and decide in advance the best way to deal with each situation. This will prevent you from being caught off guard and reacting in a way you may later regret.
2. Kill them mercifully. On the contrary of avoiding conflict, facing difficult relationship with love can avoid conflict. Instead of letting your sister freeze you with her cold behavior, try to melt her with your own warmth. Maybe she's still mad at you because you forgot to call her back. Maybe she's not working well for a week. No matter what the problem is, if you face it with sweetness, you will not encounter a difficult situation. Now listen to how to turn anxiety into your best friend's credit: katarzynabialiewicz / iStock / gettigons
3. Learn to be different. According to a theory put forward by psychiatrist Murray Bowen, M.D., differentiation is the ability to separate yourself from family members so that you don't emotionally integrate with them. To some extent, differentiation is a natural process in the process of growth. But in a family with a lot of emotional conflict, it may be more difficult to see yourself as your own person. This makes you more likely to respond to them. A little meditation before the festival will help you remember that you are not a nervous aunt or a depressed cousin. Or make a mantra to remind you that your parents' problem is not your problem. You are an adult with a good life.
4. Put your watch on the other wrist. After years of experimenting with his theory at home, Dr Bourne admits that it's very challenging to remain differentiated. " [Byrne] thinks the most differentiated people are likely to keep the biggest difference in the first half hour of a family gathering, and then after that, all the bets are gone, "said Kirk Honda, a professor of family therapy at PsyD. It can help you remember to be different. " "I've prescribed this before because it feels strange," Honda said. After an hour or several hours, you will realize that your watch is on the other arm, and it will remind you to keep a distinction between what is happening and not fall into the emotional field. Practice mindfulness. When your fastidious sister looks at your waistline and comments on your second mashed potato, you will feel your anger rising like a volcano is about to erupt. But that doesn't mean you have to blow yourself up. Mindfulness allows you to be aware of your emotions in difficult situations without having to react to them. Instead, watch your anger at your sister's comments as a spectator rather than a fighter. Focus on your breathing and slowly breathe in and out. Pay attention to these emotions and send them.
6. Wearing your "compassionate glasses"
8. Adjust your expectations. You can't expect your narcissistic brother to suddenly become understanding. It will only end in disappointment. In fact, many of the problems you have with specific family members can be traced back to your own expectations. People are them. You can't change them. Recognition of this and the corresponding abandonment of some standards will help to prevent disappointments and conflicts that result from not meeting expectations.
9. Focus on the positive. It's too easy to think in black and white when something or someone interrupts you. But no one is bad. When a member of your gene pool (or someone who is married to it) starts to suppress your holiday happiness, remind yourself immediately to give at least one positive thought to that person. It could be a happy memory, a way for someone to support youOr a good character. Stick to that idea and try to let it go before the negative emotions eat you up.
10. Appear with intent.
What do you think? Do you have any difficult family members? When you have big family gatherings, how do you deal with them? Please let us know in the comment area!
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