Ten things single people don't want to hear

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Many of us have love in our heads. However, if you have an independent friend or family member, you may not only consider your own relationship status, but the relationship status of others. Before you make seemingly benign comments about single men or girls in your life, make sure that what you want to say is actually this: comments and questions that are usually directed at those who fly alone may be more hurtful and offensive than you realize. Although everyone has different views on their romantic situation, there are 10 main culprits. The credit: iushakovsky / Adobe stock

1. "Why are you single? "

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according to stef Safran, a matchmaking and dating expert in Chicago, this is the last thing single people want to hear, whether it's from Aunt IDA at a family party or from a potential partner on a first date." "Exposing single people sounds like something's wrong with being single," she explained. It's better not to fall in love than to fall in bad love. It seems that this kind of idea will never be good. Let singles decide if they want to discuss their relationship with you first - if they don't lead the conversation, don't mention it. Now listen to this:

why America's obsession with "happiness" makes us feel completely pressured.

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2. "You'll find someone when you least expect it," Safran said. Although this sentence is of course kind, there is no guarantee that sitting in the back waiting will lead to Mr. or Ms. wondrous knocking. " If people are not keeping up with the trend now, she added, it is those who are more educated, work more and live in larger cities with more opportunities, who spend more time single than those who choose smaller cities, "she pointed out that" waiting "usually doesn't work, especially in urban areas. If you want to say something helpful, don't focus on when your friends or family will "find someone" (and what you think they are "missing" in their lives) and on what they have prepared for them - such as a good job, a new puppy or a great home - or with him They talk about their favorite hobbies and talents. I really don't know any single men and women. Sorry, "

love expert, matchmaker and dating coach Lori Sarkin said that it seems an extension to think that you or your partner don't have single friends or colleagues and can't introduce your family members and friends to others. The bachelor who works with her, she said, would rather you didn't present the fact that you didn't want to introduce them to anyone than apologize. " "In fact, you may know someone, but if the other person is not interested or the date is not going well, you are afraid to hurt your relationship with future dates (especially colleagues)," she explained. If you can't - or won't - help, don't mention it.

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4. "Are you still single? Are you okay? "

Yes, these questions are really put forward to Maya Mehlis, a 24-year-old public relations professional. She is still the only one of her brothers and sisters who has not been married after 18 months of single life." "It seems that I haven't realized anything yet, and the last thing I need is someone who thinks I'm single because I have a problem," she said. For those who are confident in their single life, this can be ignored and responded in a smart way. But for those who are sad about being single, it may trigger more negative thoughts in their minds, making them really believe they have a problem. "

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5. "I wish I was single."

Yes, having your own space and schedule may look interesting from the outside, not to mention the excitement of meeting new friends, but after the first date, everything will soon disappear, Sarkin said. The helplessness and loneliness that singles have to face is very frustrating and frustrating, "she said. Bachelors may also feel that they are waiting for life to begin, but also waiting to find their other half. Waiting to buy their own house, waiting for a special trip, because they always thought they would go there with their future spouse, or even waiting to buy a set of matching dishes, because they felt that they could make marriage registration soon. Don't think your single friends or family members are in a better position than you are. In fact, it's better not to make any comparison.

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6. "Don't worry, you won't be single forever." Do you take it for granted? Psychologist Dr. anjhula Mya Singh Bais, who specializes in social and personality psychology, psychoanalysis and interpersonal relationships, explains that this may inadvertently lead those who are not worried about their interpersonal relationships to wonder if they should. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and lead them to question whether they are "complete" or "adequate" without an important other. Many cultural myths are based on her saying: "the concept of integrity is that if you don't have anyone in your life, it's sad." The concept of completion should be replaced by the concept of complementarity: another person can supplement you, but you are complete. "

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7. "Aren't you lonely? "

just because someone doesn't have a romantic partner doesn't mean that he or she can't have a full and satisfying life. 'it's often more about your own insecurity than the situation of a single friend or family member you really believe in,' Mr. Bass said. What people do and say is a projection of themselves and where they are. "It has little to do with other people," she explained. Especially if the single people in your life are confident and happy about their current relationship status, their confidence may make you rethink your assumptions about relationship and love, which is a teachable moment for you.

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8. "You must be too picky." It's a good thing to have a high standard for a romantic partner: specifying traits and qualities you like in your partner will increase your chances of finding someone you can get along with for a long time. "So it's not appropriate to tell someone that they can't find someone because they have self-worth to set such a standard," says motivational speaker Fallon Jai, the creator of loyal and amazing women. "It tells a person that he or she doesn't deserve to be with someone who physically, psychologically and spiritually complements him or her," she said. It makes a person feel that if someone tries to pursue them, he or she should feel lucky, no matter how treacherous the person is. "Obviously, this is not the message you want to send to the people you care about.

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9. "You are too beautiful to be single." This sentence is usually aimed at women. There are many reasons for the problem. Even if your intentions are good, your tone is relaxed, saying that not only does this not help your friends or family's overall life plan, but it also belittles people's apparent value. " Jay said that a person's appearance has nothing to do with whether he or she should be in love. " A person's value is not based on his or her tangible assets. Spiritual and spiritual attraction attract and maintain one's interest. "At the very least, you want people who want your partner to be with you eventually to have that mindset. Therefore, encourage them to find the right partner by not paying attention to their appearance.

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10. "You must first focus on loving yourself." The sentence of

basically means that the recipient's self-esteem is too low to find a partner, which makes the recipient's judgment and rudeness. Self love is a great thing, but having complete confidence in yourself is not necessary to find love. In fact, licensed psychotherapist Nicky south said that while the statement may sound legal in theory, it is not in practice. " "There is no evidence to support that," she explained. Many people learn to love themselves after their lovers point out their advantages. "

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What do you think? What is your single friend like? How do you talk to your single friends about finding a partner? What annoying things did people say to you when you were single? Please let us know in the comment area!

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