When you swim in a dangerous place for such a long time, it's hard to imagine that you will find a way out or find the coastline is not so far away. Just the concept of freedom seems impossible. But if you keep swimming, you will find the place you want to go. The past six years have been quite difficult for me, but looking back, I can proudly say that this is the most urgent learning experience I need and the biggest so far. Like many of us at some point in our lives, I fell in love with someone I never had a chance with. I'm sure he's the one, and all the signs point to him At least, I think they point to him. It's crazy what kind of hallucinations you have in your mind. I never had the courage to tell him how I felt - the timing was always wrong - so I went through all his girlfriends in agony until he got engaged to a girl like my birthday last summer. I think the universe is making a cruel joke on me, but I want to like Paramore and say, "this is what you get when you let your heart win." You are often drowned out by its beating sound. Lying lets you spend the day until one day your whole fairyland is overthrown. You are only left to clean up the mess you caused. It sounds sad to some people, but to me, I'm beginning to understand all the lessons I have to learn from it. When my last relationship broke up, I fell in love with that person. I need to get rid of the verbal and emotional abuse I've endured for four years, and I'm beginning to realize that I've built all these far fetched possibilities (you know - things that can happen but may not happen) to remind myself that there are still good things waiting for me. When you think you're flawed, you start to imagine all the things that could go wrong, but now I find that it's not a good idea to describe my view of love in an impossible relationship. I just fell into a fantasy, although some of my people are even ashamed to admit it, but it reminds me that after so many experiences, I still believe in love. It took me about a year to move on. I'm a slow healer. I feel like I've lost everything. I've put up with so much. It broke me and left me a human shell, longer than I wanted to admit. I'm angry with the world, with God, and, most importantly, with myself, because I've turned a little obsession into something bigger, and he doesn't respond. I think over and over again, maybe I should tell him. Maybe I shouldn't.

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What would his reaction be? Maybe I can save myself from embarrassment better. At first, you can't lose what you never had, but the feeling in our hearts can be as real as we hope. Until the reality takes over, it's time to let go and move on. After a period of time, everything grew very old. I finally realized that there was a reason for everything. He is not the man I imagined, without him I would be better off. I opened my heart to him on social media, and when his wedding came, I would not cry like a baby for someone who might never give me time. I decided to live for myself, focus more on my work, and focus more on treating myself better at the same time. The funny thing is that just when I didn't want to find a relationship, a high school friend asked me out. We've been together (or dating, I'm not sure what's going on) for two months and it looks like everything is going well. He's so cute. I feel at home when we are together. Let's take our time - it's a relief to think that I'm not used to the way men treat me - so I'm not around as much as I usually am. Dating brings a lot of expectations, especially those I can't achieve freely like others, but with him, I can be myself, which is a good feeling. Is that it? Who knows! Sometimes, the people you always need are always in front of you. The best things find you when you're not looking. Stop looking for flags. A little more faith in the universe. Everything happens at the right time. But the most important factor is to learn to let go and move on. You can't find happiness if you always indulge in what you lose and the way you fail. Failure is a part of life, but the best part is that you get the same amount of success in return.

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