10 things you shouldn't say to people who don't have children

2. "I don't think you're ready for a baby." This comment assumes that everyone wants - and can - children. What's worse: it can also trigger some judgment. Marisa Ferrera, the love coach, was on the line when she and her husband tried to conceive but failed. "I just want to be a mother," she said. The person who said this implied that I was more interested in material life and was not ready to raise children. I never care about material things. I remember thinking that if I could have a child, I would be happy to live in a tent. Ferreira finally told friends and family a very personal message that she and her husband were having trouble getting pregnant so people wouldn't make assumptions anymore. "The clock is ticking! "

this comment is not only not considered, but also redundant. According to Dr. Danielle Keenan Miller, a clinical psychologist active in the Los Angeles infertility community, it is not surprising that there are limits to the life span of any woman of childbearing age. " "Many women struggle enough under the pressure of time, without extra social pressure and judgment," she said. Such comments also make the implicit assumption that infertile women are infertile because they "wait too long." Although this may be true in some cases, there are many women under the age of 35 or even under the age of 30 who are unable to have their own biological children due to other diseases. The key to stress is whether the childless woman has an important partner who can see into the future. Comments on the clock add to the pressure that she "should" have found someone to give birth to with her. The truth is this: the only comment should come from a gynecologist or reproductive endocrinologist who is looking at women's hormone levels to help her make informed decisions about her ability to conceive, Keenan Miller said. Four. "Once you have children, you will understand." "

for women who choose to have no children, there is a clear assumption that you will have children, explains Karen Malone Wright, founder and CEO of the notmom.com blog. "I hope the first reaction is to take a look and then clarify their life decisions," she said. When another person says "you will regret your decision", "you hurt your mother's heart" or any of the ten metaphors designed to change a woman's mind, you will try to humiliate a woman who has no children. Of course, only people with children can have many such experiences. But it is disrespectful to say such things to those who have lost their children by choice and accident. " It's demeaning to ignore someone's ability to understand just because they don't have direct reproductive experience, "said crystal rice, a mentor who focuses on therapists and solutions. This statement discretely suggests that people with children have better understanding than people without children. There is no universal truth with children. " The credit: tweenty20 / @ duangbj

5. "You don't know what tiredness is." A sign of being a parent, especially in the early days of being a parent, is severe sleep deprivation. As any parent knows, this form of sleep deprivation is unique to having children - but that doesn't mean that without children, whether it's the environment or the choice, it should be put on people's faces. Wright's following story illustrates how non parents have become ed who feels inferior to their parents in this respect: "my husband and I are repainting and decorating our home, working the next day until 3 a.m., and I happen to chat with my boss's husband, hoping to find her. When I yawned to explain why, he smiled and said, "you can't say you're tired unless you have a newborn at home!" She said the words made her "speechless and tearful". According to his "rules", I will never be allowed to complain about fatigue, because there will never be a new baby in my family. "Parents should not show superiority, but should use their experience (in this case, lack of sleep) to sympathize with those who have no children." I think in a future scene, the person would say, "paint all night? If you are as tired as I am with my new baby, I will sympathize with you! "

credit card: Twenty20 / @ Igor 戋 kostyuk

6. Although having children is fun, being a parent is not the only way to live a full and rich life. It's worth it, yes. But it's also true to help orphans, to be nurses, to write a poem that affects others in a positive way, or simply to live a happy life。 Such a statement may be quite self indulgent and may inadvertently weaken the other party's sense of achievement and its positive impact on the world. " Keenan Miller agrees, noting that many of the childless women she works with want to have children, but not for physical reasons, living conditions, or even child deaths. " "It's a big mistake to assume that all women who don't have children choose this way," she said. "Flippant comments about children's happiness can wake up deep pain at inappropriate times." "Obviously, you don't really want children because you didn't adopt them." It's a mistake to think that just because someone can't give birth, they should adopt a child. Heller recounts how she talked to an acquaintance who had several children and, in response to her questions, explained that she and her husband could not conceive. " My acquaintance said bluntly that I obviously didn't want children because my husband and I didn't adopt them. "I think it's dull," she said. The decision to adopt is separate from the decision to want a child. Many couples prefer children who are genetically related to them, but this is impossible for 10% of the couples. " Another version of the statement, Wright added, is the question, "why don't you adopt directly?" She said it was because the word "justice" was dropped lightly. The questioner suggested that adoption could be easily completed, accepted and agreed by both parties, or both. "It's not accurate in all respects," she said.

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8. "You can work overtime because you don't have children." Another common assumption is that because someone doesn't have a child, his or her need for personal or family time decreases. Hillary zody, a marketing professional who chose to be childless, recalls a colleague who said, "Hillary can work overtime, she has no children," or "Hillary doesn't need that day off as much as I do - I have children," positioning herself as more deserving because they are parents. " "It's insulting because someone dares to think that my personal time is less valuable than theirs, because I don't have children," she said. Wright agrees, adding that as parents, employees and supervisors often think that whatever childless employees wait at home - pets that need to walk or sick relatives - is less important than a child's football game. " "The fact is that the employer's efforts to provide on-site day care, nursing stations and unpaid leave for parents and employees feel (and) unfair to non parents," she said. "You're lucky you don't have children! "

sometimes parents will lament the time, energy and money needed to raise their children. But saying that, or encouraging non parents to "live well" and "enjoy freedom," can be incredibly painful for those trying to conceive. If a child takes away all the sources of income, vomits on a silk coat and leaves pieces on the floor for them to step on, what will they give him? Who has 14 years of experience working with infertile people and young people with chronic diseases that affect reproduction. Keenan Miller added that while the comment may have a positive effect on a woman who chooses to have no children, it is likely to have resentment against women who want to have children but cannot, or who have lost their pregnancy or children. " "Complaints about one of these women's parents can be ignored at best, and in the worst case, if the commenter knows why he lost his child, it could be considered harmful," she said. "Once you find the right person, you'll change your mind." It's one thing to ask a person why they want to have no children, but it's another to assume that their current living environment is the reason they don't want children. " Not wanting children doesn't depend on who I am Nell is. But marketing professional Kim kohatsu said: "when I find the perfect partner, the hint that I will become more 'complete' reinforces the idea that I am not a complete person now." The meaning here is that a woman is "less than" before she gets married and has children, which is a rather outdated way of thinking.

~~Credit: Twenty20 / @ hellomikee~~